On 25th of March, my short play The Puppet of White Farm was not performed in Belarusian Dream Theatre, a global theatre event about Belarus which contained submissions from writers in many different countries, writing about Belarus.
This event was problematic for me, because, firstly, it raised the question - "What do I know about Belarus?" and then a second, supplementary question "What does anyone know about Belarus?" Both are critical questions.
My submission, a parody of the musical Oliver! which follows the rise of President Lukashnko to power, was not written to be performed, as it is impossible to stage. It did, however, take many hours of labourious research and learning on my part. I also find it an interesting musical, not least because it contains a natural comparison between dictatorships and liberal democracies.
The full text of the short play are below. If you don't know the musical, you can find the corresponding tunes on Youtube, and you too can sing along to the tune of Lukashenko...
Act I
Our story begins in the Moscow Founding Home with the orphans singing about how they have little or no opportunity for anything other than survival (Sausage or Freedom, based on the rhetorical question of the 1991 election - "which do you prefer, sausage or freedom?" to the tune of 'Food Glorious Food'). Lukashenko is elected by straw poll to go and ask for more food, and when the Founding Home Committee Head expresses outrage, Lukashenko makes a passionate argument that elected representatives such as himself should be fed more, (calling to mind his real-life expressions in a forum in 2011 where he exclaims "I could not have a car and walk everywhere, but the people would be embarrassed"). The FHCH decides that Lukashenko should be given a second helping but also that he can't have such revolutionary ideas in the Founding Home, so he decides to offer to 'forget that Lukashenko ever existed if he is given an appropriate gift' (the sale of labour capital being an anti-Marxist idea). He takes Lukashenko to Minsk and agrees to 'forget the existence' of Lukashenko with a Banker in exchange for 7,000 Reubels. However, while the banker is complaining about having to hedge against the Soviet Union by investing in U.S Military suppliers, Lukashenko escapes and meets the Polish communist Złodziej Sztuki ('Art Thief') who takes him through the realities of how capitalist ideas are dangerously intruding into Belarusian Life and creating too much individualism and narcissistic self-interest (Re-Consider the 'Self'). He takes him to his collective farm, run by the old war veteran Faginov who teaches him that closer ties with the East Farm are necessary for their survival and that military power is a necessity for any defense of shared values (You've Got to Build a Rocket or Two). Impressed by Lukashenko's ability to simultaneous uphold two competing ideas, Faginov tells him "you will be the greatest man of all time".
This event was problematic for me, because, firstly, it raised the question - "What do I know about Belarus?" and then a second, supplementary question "What does anyone know about Belarus?" Both are critical questions.
My submission, a parody of the musical Oliver! which follows the rise of President Lukashnko to power, was not written to be performed, as it is impossible to stage. It did, however, take many hours of labourious research and learning on my part. I also find it an interesting musical, not least because it contains a natural comparison between dictatorships and liberal democracies.
The full text of the short play are below. If you don't know the musical, you can find the corresponding tunes on Youtube, and you too can sing along to the tune of Lukashenko...
The Puppet of White Farm
A Musical for
Belarus, a parody of Oliver!
By Richard
Pettifer
Characters: Character
in Oliver!
LUKASHENKO: President of Belarus Oliver
BOYS Orphanage
boys
FOUNDING HOME COMMITTEE HEAD (FHCH) Mr. Bumble
BANKER Undertaker
(Mr. Sowerberry)
ZŁODZIEJ
SZTUKI (ZS) – A Polish ‘Artful Thief’. The
Artful Dodger
FAGINOV
– Soviet War Hero turned head of collective farm Fagin
MONGRELS Fagin’s
Children
BELARUSIANS
SECRET POLICE
Note: The BOYS, BELARUSIANS, MONGRELS, AND SECRET
POLICE form a general ‘chorus’, which can be as small as four or as large as
9.464 million members. FHCH, BANKER and FAGINOV can also double. Other
arrangements may be possible, but all the text should attempt to be delivered
in whole unless otherwise specified.
Cast Size: 7+
Musical Numbers: Equivalent
from Oliver!
(chords, or acapella, only)
SAUSAGE OR FREEDOM Food Glorious Food
BOY FOR THE EXCHANGE OF THE GIFT OF MONEY Boy for Sale
RE-CONSIDER THE ‘SELF’ Consider Yourself
YOU’VE GOT TO BUILD A ROCKET OR TWO You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two
Act 2
I’D DO ANYTHING, FOR YOU, COMERADE I’d do Anything
LOCK-EM-UP, LOCK-EM-UP, THAT’S HOW IT GOES Oom-pah-pah
Style: Music-Theatre
for the Age of Austerity.
Synopsis:
Act I
Our story begins in the Moscow Founding Home with the orphans singing about how they have little or no opportunity for anything other than survival (Sausage or Freedom, based on the rhetorical question of the 1991 election - "which do you prefer, sausage or freedom?" to the tune of 'Food Glorious Food'). Lukashenko is elected by straw poll to go and ask for more food, and when the Founding Home Committee Head expresses outrage, Lukashenko makes a passionate argument that elected representatives such as himself should be fed more, (calling to mind his real-life expressions in a forum in 2011 where he exclaims "I could not have a car and walk everywhere, but the people would be embarrassed"). The FHCH decides that Lukashenko should be given a second helping but also that he can't have such revolutionary ideas in the Founding Home, so he decides to offer to 'forget that Lukashenko ever existed if he is given an appropriate gift' (the sale of labour capital being an anti-Marxist idea). He takes Lukashenko to Minsk and agrees to 'forget the existence' of Lukashenko with a Banker in exchange for 7,000 Reubels. However, while the banker is complaining about having to hedge against the Soviet Union by investing in U.S Military suppliers, Lukashenko escapes and meets the Polish communist Złodziej Sztuki ('Art Thief') who takes him through the realities of how capitalist ideas are dangerously intruding into Belarusian Life and creating too much individualism and narcissistic self-interest (Re-Consider the 'Self'). He takes him to his collective farm, run by the old war veteran Faginov who teaches him that closer ties with the East Farm are necessary for their survival and that military power is a necessity for any defense of shared values (You've Got to Build a Rocket or Two). Impressed by Lukashenko's ability to simultaneous uphold two competing ideas, Faginov tells him "you will be the greatest man of all time".
